hot mess

If you ask most folks why they do what they do, they’ll almost always have an answer. Some people follow their dreams, others their circumstances, but almost always can someone trace back to the beginning, to some moment that started them down the path that leads them to today.

People are often curious about the source of my graphic and web design journeys. As a child, I mostly wrote and while I did once place second in a city wide art contest, I was usually more interested in words than pictures. I even went to an arts high school where I majored in writing and had big dreams of some day being an English teacher.

How then, does one make this leap?

I had my first home computer in 1994. I was 10 years old and I was immediately addicted to the screeching modem sounds, the dings and bells, the instant messages. It was a way for me to connect with other people in the safety and shelter of my own home.

In 1997, just three years later, Hanson made their debut. “MMMBop” was the #1 single for a while and before long, I was in love. I was on the cusp of 13 and, like many others, felt feelings I had never felt before. I was in lust. (Coincidentally, this was my first known interest in genderqueer folks.)

My real life friends (and yes, even my internet friends) were quickly on the Hanson band wagon. We bought the CD, would cut posters out of Tiger Beat, and would develop elaborate stories of how our lives would change when we’d meet them and fall in love. I even had my then BFF Jill convinced with every fiber of her being that Taylor Hanson and I were, in fact, soul mates.

I would spend hours on the internet sopping up every morsel of Hanson I could find. I had the books. I knew their birthdays, their favorite colors, and that they all liked Dr. Pepper. I knew every word to every song, I went to every show in Philadelphia, and I spent most of my free time obsessing. I was so in love, in fact, that I wanted to create the best lives I could for them.

Personal websites at the time were often lacking. Tacky animated GIF files were illuminated with embedded MIDIs and flashing banners. Times New Roman was all the rage! Guestbooks, page counters, broken links and missing images were where it was at! Even in 1997, I knew this shit was tacky. I wanted better for my boys and the only way to do that was to do the damn thing myself.

I built my first Hanson website later that year. I taught myself enough Paint Shop Pro to do what I needed and would steal code from other sites to make easily navigated frame menus to create a website that was both fashionable and functional. While these early Hanson sites never really went anywhere, I immediately found something beautiful: solice in creation and design.

I could take all of my pubescent angst and direct into into basic HTML. I could spend hours escaping the pains (haha) of my life then and disappear into a world of hyperlinks, image sources, and image creation and modification. In the end, I’d both feel better and have created something that anyone with a dial-up modem could see. It was amazing!

Eventually, I moved on to the Moffatts and created what would become one of the most prominent Dave Moffatt fan sites on the internet: Artificial Infatuation. I poured my heart and soul and kept myself motivated to learn more, do more, create more. I remember making seamless fames, expanding into Photoshop, and really finding a balance between creation and implemntation. Making something that was both attractive and functional.

I could go on to detail this journey: making my first mass produced flyer in high school to promote an alternative to a school sanctioned event; building my first website for a client at 18; the series of social justice-type events that compelled me to use my skill for a greater good, and all of the other roads, speedbumps, and detours that lead me to compiling this website.

Today, though, is the release of “Shout It Out!”, the latest Hanson album and as I listen in on my new favorite classics I can’t help but realize. I owe it all to Hanson.